


Just blood and bones after all

by notoska



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blow Jobs, Castles, Desire, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-21 05:17:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1539086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notoska/pseuds/notoska
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was enough to be close to him like this. Erwin shut out the questions he couldn’t answer. It was enough to feel his thin arm in his hand. Levi’s skin under his finger tips. That was enough, wasn’t it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just blood and bones after all

The fire flickered in Erwin’s eyes. So many nights spent outside the walls but they always felt the same, like the first time. The night air always crisp and cool. No lights but the fire and the stars.

It hadn’t been a good day but it hadn’t been a failure either. They’d been doing so well until the last pack of titans appeared. Charging forward, three of the 15 meter class.

They showed up so suddenly that the formation fell apart, men on the ground and in the air, carts scattering left and right, horses without riders fleeing. Erwin changed course with four others, galloping unquestioningly behind him, to attack the fastest titan. Sprinting straight toward death. Three were eaten before they managed to slay it. Just Erwin and Levi standing in the grass, steaming titan corpse at their feet.

Bright sun, vibrant grass, and the smell of death in the air. 

They ride side by side. A brief conversation about whether they can reach the meeting point by night fall. Typically, it was safer to travel at night, but not like this, out of formation with no defenses.

Darkness was too close, so they changed course to a closer castle. More ruins than shelter, but it would do. They’d send a flare up when darkness settled—the others could probably see their signal from there—and be up at first light to rejoin the fleet.

Silence was always easy between them. They sat side by side near the fire they’d lit on the castle’s roof. Wind whipping over their shoulders, fanning the flames, showering embers on the stone, carrying them in the wind, over the roof edge, over the field below, their glowing cores fading to black.

Erwin stewed because it was his job. He wondered how many of the corps made it safety. Or if they had run into another group of titans, without him or Levi there, directionless and unprotected. They could all be dead and he would have no idea. 

 

_Had it been worth it?_

 

Erwin was strong because he knew how to turn away from regret, when it rose hot and urgent in his throat. He knew which questions to ask and which to shut out. Question the battle, question the tactics, but don’t question the war. Charge forward and leave the dead behind.

He watched Levi next to him and wondered what he thought of it all, what he felt. They had lost so many comrades together, written letters to grieving families, stood at attention at honorable burials. But they hadn’t talked about it. He had never seen Levi cry. His face was always braced for grief. Already grieving because the end was inevitable.

As the number of Erwin’s true friends dwindled, those he could trust without question, he drew closer to them. Closer than you should ever be at war. Watching them, asking questions he would have rather left unspoken.

But it was worse with Levi. The need to get closer, to see inside this inscrutable man. To revel in just being alive with him, for whatever time they had left. 

Levi carried responsibility he had earned heavy on his shoulders, his lowered head. But it didn’t change him. He was just as surly as he had been when they met. Mud on his face, silent with hate. Never afraid, just fighting or ready to fight. Eyes threatening like a hidden blade, even among friends. Hiding ferocity with a vulgar tongue.

There was something entrancing about the darkness that colored his words, settled in the shadows under his eyes. Levi knew savagery before he’d left the walls, before he was old enough to see it for what it was. He had seen the worst of humanity, suffered in its cruel hands, and still he was ready to die for it. For all of them, even the wicked. 

But it didn’t make him a saint. He was still vicious inside. Even with all the horror that Erwin had seen, Levi knew a deeper hell. He pushed people because it made them stronger. He gave others the smallest taste of the terror he had known, so they could see the world the way he did, and fight without question. Follow their Commander without hesitation.

The chill night air against his jacket kept him awake. The night felt strangely alive. They’d never been alone like this. Outside the walls. And Erwin wanted to be closer, to this man that saw the world like he did. Who understood the fight, who was willing to die, but strong enough to live.

Levi was tending to a gash on his hand that Erwin hadn’t noticed until now. Head down, mouth set in a frown. He cleaned the cut meticulously. Washing it with a thin stream of water, nudging out the embedded rocks and dirt with the tip of a thorn. Wrapping a cloth bandage tightly around. His knuckles flexing white as he pulled his fingers into a tight fist. A neat knot where it wouldn’t interfere with his grip.

He turned to a long scratch by his elbow. Another injury Erwin hadn’t noticed. Levi’s jacket was folded neatly over his knee and his shirt sleeve was folded over itself, exposing a strong forearm. 

He cleaned the cut with the same quiet precision. He started to wind the bandage but struggled to hold it in place. Irritation twitching on his brow as he adjusted the cloth, holding it in the crook of his arm.

Erwin reached out to steady the bandage. He was close enough to reach him without time for second thoughts. His hand closed around Levi’s arm, the feel scratchy cloth and sinewy muscle zipping up his arm, buzzing distantly in his head.

He held Levi’s arm a little tighter than he meant to. Levi considered him with lidded eyes. That familiar crease between his brows. So reserved behind those slate grey irises. The wind whipped his loose black hair into his face. Erwin’s stomach turned. A gentle pulse of pleasure and nerves through his veins.

It was enough to be close to him like this. Erwin shut out the questions he couldn’t answer. It was enough to feel his thin arm in his hand. Levi’s skin under his finger tips. That was enough, wasn’t it?

If they both died tomorrow on the way to the meeting point? Would it be enough to breathe the same cold, free, windy air tonight, next to these embers? To die with a fire inside that threatened to consume him? To bury dreams and longing and secrets?

 

_No. It wasn’t enough. If they had to die, shouldn’t they live now?_

 

Erwin released his grip, he had held on much too long already. The bandage was already tied, neatly knotted. Levi stood, his knee brushing Erwin’s as he shifted onto his feet. Erwin’s heart jumped in his chest.

Levi walked to the roof’s edge, hands resting on his blade cases. He would sleep just like this, with the 3DMG on, blade cases in place. Resting against a wall with his coat draped over him. They’d slept outside the walls many times before. But not like this. Not alone. And it wasn’t enough, just to be alone.

Erwin wondered who Levi was when there was no one to protect. What he wanted. The shared loss bound them together, the horror of war a bond, but also a wedge between them. A dark promise. All lives outside the walls end the same way.

The rain started slowly. Levi watching the dark fields, Erwin watching him. When the shower started to put out the fire, Levi turned. Thin ankles bending in his boots as he stooped, picked up a burning branch from the edge of the fire, and headed down the stairs, off the roof.

Erwin followed, feeling a little light headed. It had probably been too long since he slept.

Erwin steadied himself against the wall, fingers running lightly over the damp stone. His eyes adjusted to the dark as he followed Levi down. He was close behind, too close. Breathing in the subtle scent of his hair. They reached the stone floor and Levi turned. Erwin wondered how much he could see in his eyes in that flickering light. He was a man given to obsession but he was also a man of restraint.

 

_It wouldn’t matter if they died tomorrow, so why should it matter now?_

 

Erwin took a step closer. He couldn't see anything but Levi’s face in the dark. His shadowed eyes watching him. It didn’t even feel real. Just the two of them, alone outside the walls. Like something from another lifetime. That attraction, that had pulled at him since they first met, burned brighter here. Maybe it was the air outside the walls. The air they were meant to breathe, feeding the flame.

Erwin’s heart was pounding from the thoughts racing through his head. Rushing loud in his ears. Levi just watching him with that quizzically sad look he always wore. His thin lips relaxed into a familiar frown. Eyes no wider in the dark, like he didn’t need to see Erwin to really see him. There was so something so fragile, so human about him, when he stood still and quiet. Just blood and bones after all.

Erwin wanted to reach out, to close the distance between them. He had no idea what Levi would do. His inhibition was draining away. He knew Levi felt it too, but it had never been more than searching looks, lingering hands. A closeness without a name. He didn’t know if Levi wanted it like he did, but he wanted him to. Desperately.

Erwin’s right hand rose, hesitating, gliding through the air between them slowly, like it was water. Rising through resistance. Erwin didn’t know how to begin, how to touch him with his intentions so raw on his skin. His hand drew closer at Levi’s hip, but continued up, finger tips just grazing his arm, the heat of his hand wisping past Levi’s face. He gently brushed his dark hair aside, behind his ear.

Levi watched him with shadowy eyes, unmoved. Erwin couldn’t read them in this light, but they weren’t confused. With Erwin’s fingers in his hair, one thin brow lifted. A question. An invitation?

Erwin’s hand followed the curve of his hair, hovering. Finger tips tucked in behind his ear, warm to the touch, traced around its sensitive curve, spilled out onto his neck, soft with downy hair.

Levi exhaled quickly, Erwin saw his shirt crinkle as his chest contracted. Levi blinked twice, his eyes settling on Erwin’s collarbone.

When his eyes flicked back up, Erwin was the one left breathless. Levi’s dark eyes, usually so steady, were dark with desire. It was just as threatening as his sneer. Nothing soft about them. Just a hunger he did nothing to hide. Erwin steadied himself, his hand settling soft on Levi’s neck. Two fingers dipping below Levi’s collar, into the warmth of his shirt. 

Levi was silent, giving permission with his stillness. The heat in Erwin’s stomach swirled up like sparks from the fire, filling him and urging him on. His mind spun with questions he had never let himself consider. How could he have imagined this? That look in Levi’s eyes.

Erwin stepped closer and pulled Levi in. The space between their chests closing to a few heated inches and his palms start to sweat. His other hand comes to rest awkwardly on Levi’s hip. But the firmness of lean muscle and bone is too good and he’s sliding his fingers under the 3DMG straps, pressing hungrily into Levi’s skin. It was such an eager gesture, his desire obvious.

He felt Levi exhale, a bit of tension easing away, and his head dropped back, loose on his neck. Erwin held the weight of his head, like it was the most natural thing in the world, and closed the distance between them. Chests and arms and hips pressed together through jackets and straps and bandages. His forehead resting lightly on Levi’s.

A low sound of contentment rose in Erwin’s chest. He knew this wasn't enough either. To be so close they could share the same skin. He could feel the shake in his bones that had been building for years.

 

Suddenly, Levi’s fingers closed tight in his hair. He swiftly pulled Erwin down into a hungry kiss. Levi’s breath was hot and quick on his cheek. His kiss was blunt. Thick with lust. No hesitation. He took instead of asking.

The deep desire in Erwin’s stomach blossomed fast and bright, like a crack of lightning through his body. Erwin forgot to breathe, only inhaling to swim in Levi’s clean smell. Levi released him, lips lingering before he pulled back, leaving Erwin panting softly.

Erwin’s eyes had adjusted to the dark and he could see the subtlest flush on Levi’s face. It was bewitching and so beautiful. Erwin doesn’t know what he expected—having never let his mind trail too far into those daydreams—but it wasn’t this. How goddamn subtle it was, the heat in his eyes, the quickened rise and fall of his chest—his breath still silent, the slightest color of his cheeks, the smallest release in his muscular frame.

Erwin nuzzled into his neck, pulling the 3DMG straps off his shoulders with shaky hands. There was nothing subtle about how badly Erwin wanted him and he knew it was written all over his face, dripping off his hungry skin. He pushed the blade cases from his hips, fumbling with the strap around his chest. Levi’s hands moved calmly between his own, discarding his jacket with a single tug, unclasping each strap with no struggle, no tugging. Like he put them on in the first place. Like he already had Erwin’s body memorized.

Erwin’s breath was uneven as he clawed at the top buttons of his shirt, hungry kisses over his shoulder, across his collar bone. He breathed in Levi at the curve of his shoulder, one hand pulling down his rumpled shirt to trace his shoulder blade. Levi exhaled sharply, his head settling on Erwin’s, nose and lips pressed to Erwin’s hair, damp and fragrant from the rain. Levi’s hot breath sent a thrill arcing over his scalp and he was hopelessly aroused, mind spinning, a groan from deep in his belly.

Whatever this was before, Erwin knew what it was now. Wanting Levi so badly he couldn’t see straight. It was more than he could have hoped for. Seeing this side of him, the hunger written on his face, the cracks in his unshakable composure. Still, Levi showed only what he wanted to, like nothing ever surprised him. He nipped at Levi’s soft skin, soft sounds on his lips. The idea of possessing such an independent person just as arousing.

Levi had worked Erwin’s shirt off, pushing it impatiently off his shoulders, discarding it on the rocky floor. He pushed Erwin back, a firm two handed shove to the chest. Strong and quick.

Erwin dropped a bit and Levi followed. His hands still on Erwin’s chest, drifting over Erwin’s muscles and old battle scars, fingertips guiding him backward. Erwin watched him hungrily, wanting his hands everywhere.

Erwin’s boot caught on the stair, mid-stride, and he reeled back. One arm found the stairs, broke his fall as he splayed over the stone steps. Levi, with cat-like ease, leapt up three steps, kneeling over him. His inner thighs pressed to Erwin’s hips. His 3DMG straps hanging over Erwin’s legs.

 

He pinned Erwin down with one hand, pushing his shoulder into the cold stone. Hard enough to be a threat. He could hold him down if he wanted to. 

Levi’s eyes took him in, ravenous, intoxicating as they crawled over his stomach, his chest, his face, his lips, his arms, his shaky hands, his hips. Erwin saw Levi’s stomach heaving, his lips parted. His gaze made Erwin’s cock ache, wanting him to touch the way he drank him in with his eyes.

He wanted him because Levi was strong, because he saw all the horror that Erwin had seen and still had hope. There wasn’t another person alive like that. But the desire overwhelmed him because he wanted more than honorable Corporal Levi. He wanted his darkness too. The side of him he wore on his sleeve when he flew through those underground caverns. A predator’s calm and vicious nature. He wanted to be the object of that attention, to pull the hunger into his eyes so he couldn’t hide in apathy any more.

Levi lowered his head, muscles rippling over his neck and shoulders. His face hovered over Erwin’s skin for a second, cool air rushing by as Levi breathed in his smell. Then he trailed his lips over Erwin’s chest, softly grazing his nipple—so confident, exploring his prey’s weaknesses—down his stomach, pressing a kiss below his navel, shifting back on his feet so he could trail the tip of his tongue down the line of crisp hairs that disappeared under Erwin’s belt. Levi was so direct, taking exactly what he wanted. Erwin moaned, eyes rolling back, head against the mossy stone edge of the stair.

He arched his back, pushing his hard cock against his trousers, the wonderful pressure, pleasure coursing through his blood. He was hungry for Levi to take. Whatever he wanted. Just to be closer. Erwin wanted it all.

He pushed up onto his elbows, bringing their faces closer together. Levi was still with pupils blown to black. Erwin steadied himself on one hand, nuzzling into Levi’s slender neck again, that neck he had studied from across his office so many times. He pulled at Levi’s belt, unfastening it with a shaky determination. He ran a curious hand inside, pushing up, feeling how hard Levi was through the thin fabric.

Levi moaned softly, the first sound he’d made. His hands fell to the steps to steady himself. Eyes closed, he pushed his head against Erwin’s and breathed hot in his ear. Erwin wanted to coax more moans from him, wanted to make him come, loud and spent. To give him pleasure in all this pain. To get as close as Levi would allow.

 

“Levi” he murmured, voice thick and low. He wanted Levi to hear it, the years of wanting on his tongue. He wanted to feel him respond to his voice, to shake with his own hidden attraction.

 

Erwin sat up, bringing his feet up a step so his knees pushed Levi forward onto his lap. He slid his hand out of Levi’s pants, grasped his hip and pulled him down, grinding himself against Levi through all the rumpled fabric. 

Moving together, clothes rustling, rain beating down on the roof, musty smell in that old castle. Erwin rested his forehead on Levi’s chest and closed his eyes. Waves of pleasure rising through his body, Levi’s light weight resting on him, trembling in his arms. He was strong but his guard was crumbling.

Erwin felt them both tensing from the effort, Levi’s thrusts insistent. He lifted Levi effortlessly, pivoted on the stairs, and laid him out on the stone. Trying to be gentle but his body hadn’t practiced anything but violence. He pulled Levi’s pants free of his hips with a single tug.

He was breathtakingly beautiful. Slender and pale, skin glowing in the firelight. Chest heaving, muscles rippling with pleasure. His cock hard and flushed, resting over his taut stomach. Levi laced a hand around the back of his arm, pulling him closer, no more waiting.

Erwin kneeled, knees wet and cold on the stone, his lips came to rest on Levi’s cock. Curious tongue taking in the texture, the taste. A soft gasp from Levi’s lips. Erwin felt him struggling, caught between tense and relaxed, his thighs shaking under Erwin’s hands, then rigid and still, then melting into tremors again.

Levi cried out, a growl of pleasure. It was restrained but not embarrassed. Levi bared this side of himself like someone prying open their own ribcage to reveal the beating heart inside. Insanely vulnerable but incredibly brave, all at once.

Erwin wanted him to know what it meant to him, to be worthy of his trust. But words were lost in the ecstasy of uneven breaths, wet warmth, quiet groans. Too close for words now. Just Erwin’s fingertips digging into his skin, his breath ragged over Levi’s thighs.

Levi shook with his orgasm, mouth open, moans hitching into an exclamation, eyebrows lifting, eyes rolling back. He gripped Erwin’s hair with thin fingers, holding him close. Levi’s hips bucked as Erwin pulled away, swallowing the taste of intimacy, all wet lips and hungry eyes.

Erwin felt full like this, half-naked and tangled with Levi in this old castle. Outside the walls, death at the door. But free. He watched Levi’s chest heave until it stilled, gathering his composure, breathing silent again. Levi pulled himself up. Pale, clean skin resting easy on the grimy stairs. He drew his boots up a step and a cloud of dirt billowed. Just like in the heat of battle, he didn’t care about the filth, just chased the kill. Carrying out Erwin’s orders without hesitation.

 

Head in his hands, a soft exhale. Erwin watched him fit the pieces together. Mouth closing to a frown, face settling into shadow.

It would be different after this. Erwin watched him with unguarded eyes that weren’t just curious anymore. Hungrier now that they had tasted.

Levi stood, tugging pants over slim legs, meeting Erwin’s gaze silently. His cool grey eyes were quiet but satisfied. Maybe how they’d look if they’d ever managed to return home without losing lives. Maybe even peaceful.

Levi turned, quiet scuffs on the steps as he walked to the roof. To wash in the rain? He stepped out without looking back.

**Author's Note:**

> My first eruri! I hope you enjoyed it. :)
> 
> I poured all my eruri heart and soul into this one, so I'm not sure if I'll have more to write for this fandom. But I'll never say never!
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr: notoska.tumblr.com


End file.
